I scheduled a business call for my day off; the guy said he needed 20 uninterrupted minutes of time and I can’t guarantee that when I’m working. So, at 2:00 Friday our home phone rang and this guy started his spiel right from the beginning…
Now… it should be noted – I’m not overly pleasant or accommodating to salesman when they call while I’m sitting at my desk; dealing with this nonsense on my day off was beyond intolerable. I was barely grunting responses and I was sighing heavily – but ol’ Shawn there was plugging right along in that I-deserve-a-punch-to-the-throat kinda way that salesman do…
Here’s my take on this situation – if you want to sell me something, just tell me what the fuck you have to offer and how damn much it’s gonna cost me; please… in the name of all that’s holy, PLEASE do NOT make this an interactive venture. “Karen, if 100 people subscribe to the paper but the internet has 15,000 surfers per hour… which is going to provide you more exposure?”
{silence}
{silence}
“Karen?”
“Oh, I’m sorry – I figured that was rhetorical…”
Because.it.should.be.
Please don’t make me answer obvious fucking questions.
“Karen, everybody has a computer or smart phone, amirite? If you were relocating, how would you start your search for information on that area? Would you write a letter or would you google the town or county?”
{pause}
{uncomfortable pause}
*me rolling my eyes and sighing loudly* “I guess I’d google the area…”
“Yes! you’d google the area….”
His product was not wholly undesirable – which pissed me off even more… For one… I’d hoped to be able to tell him to shove his advertising up his ass and google that area… but also – it was a decent mode of advertising, it would sell itself; no frickin need for Shawn and his barrage of dumbass (should’ve-been-rhetorical) questions.
Oh… and he kept mentioning the Packers. This has worked on me in the past so I can’t discount it’s usefulness but… there’s something to be said for being judicious. “Your Packers annihilate my Bills every time they meet…”
“hmmm, I was in the stands the last time they met, and I walked away unhappy… so, that’s not really true….”
I wasn’t smitten with the seller but my interest was piqued by his product; the phone call continued. Until we got disconnected that is…
He called right back – “hmmmm we must’ve gotten cut off….” he said (nervously) then continued on with his sales pitch… we chatted a bit more and he started to get into pricing… disconnect… he called right back. I said, “whatchu got goin’ on with yer phones there?”
He let out a small sigh of relief, “I didn’t know if you were just disinterested in the product or if there’s something going on with the phones…”
“Trust me… you’d’ve known a long time ago if I had no interest…”
[nervous chuckle] “Ok, this happened to me yesterday so it must be our phones.”
really
your phones were cutting off calls yesterday and today you’re wondering who’s responsible for the dropped calls… Shawn – you’re killin’ me man…
We got back to the pricing – he had a coupla different packages to offer. The first was basically a link on a page; the second included a video. He asked if I enjoyed being on camera; basically, was I more inclined to do the video package…
“Uh no, not a chance in hell. I’m not photogenic to begin with and if the camera adds 10 pounds, it usually appears that I have 5 to 6 cameras on me.”
He chuckled again. “Well Karen, I’ve seen your picture on your website and…”
disconnect……….
and WHAT?!?!?!??!?!
are you kidding me with that timing?!?!??!?!?!?!
I mean the obvious answer is: he was going to pull out all the salesman stops and compliment me (after all, the video package was more profitable for his company). Something along the lines of: “You’re very attractive, you need to get that beautiful face out there. By the way, the Packers are beautiful, too”
OR… was he going to be a decent human being and save me the embarrassment? “Well Karen, I’ve seen your picture on your website and I think that’s sufficient exposure; how ’bout we concentrate on the link…”
As with the previous lost calls, he called back – but completely skirted the subject. “Before my phone completely gives up let me just give you my contact information and give you time to mull this over….”
Oh… I’m mulling it over alright – muling over that ridiculous timing. What did he say??? I’m sure it was complimentary – he’s a salesman for garsh sakes.. but a compliment is a friggin compliment – unscrupulous or not… I’m needy, what can I say.
Dan and I have since decided we’ll never recoup the costs associated with this advertising (even without the video portion). Shawn called me back Tuesday and I broke the news to him gently; he took it fairly well actually. The idea is new so I suggested he give me a call in a year when we know how effective this style of advertising proves to be; he said, “Absolutely, thanks for your time…”
By this point in the conversation I was already directing the phone to it’s cradle and switching gears in my mind when I heard, “…. Go Pack!”