On May 24th my husband and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage; I’m very proud of that and also sort of awed by it because to be totally honest, have I always liked this guy? No.
But have I always loved him?
Also, no.
Listen, marriage is hard. I mean for garsh sakes I have 5 different shampoos in my shower because I like to change it up every day. And here I am… 25 years later, wearing the same damn ring on the same damn finger every.single.day. Twenty-five years of watching him fall asleep in a recliner instead of just going to bed. Twenty-five years of watching him tap that friggin saltshaker with his forefinger (it’s a saltSHAKER not a salt tapper). Twenty-five years of listening to him lament that he’d be much taller if it weren’t for ‘that missing vertebrae…’
I’m very suspicious of people who claim they never fight with their significant other. I have questions… do you not live together? have you never remodeled? are you never in the same moving vehicle at the same time? Dear lord people, have you never been visited by your in-laws?
Now, I’ll concede that I may be on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to arguing with my spouse, and while I can’t say I go lookin’ for a fight I’m also not sure it’s necessary for me to say things like, “I’ve spent the last 27 years of my life hating the stupid, noncommittal way you cough.” I can see now that my comment might have been a tad confrontational (let me just say, though… a hearty, deep cough might do wonders for his lungs).
For his part – Dan is no fighter. He’d be perfectly content to never have a cross word between us, although, to that end you’d think he’d stop answering the phone, “Yaaaallow….” But, honest to Pete, my husband is about the most laid-back, easy-going human being you’ll ever meet – no matter how hard I’ve tried to break him. So, to celebrate him tolerating me for 25 years, I am offering this love letter in list form:
- I love you because Alexandra… Calvin… Abigail. I know true love with you, I know unconditional love because of you. They are without question, the very best part of me (except when they’re acting like jerks… that’s all you).
- I love you because you took on EVERYTHING so that I could devote myself to caring for my mom in her last months.
- I love you because when I say, “Order whatever toppings you want” you order pepperoni, sausage, and banana pepper rings.
- I love you because of the way you look at Lucy when you pet her; conversely, I’m a little triggered by the way she looks back at you.
- I love you because you get my water bottles ready for me every morning, although… when we’re arguing I hate that I have to thank you for it
- I love you because you take me to see the Packers… did I mention they play in London this fall?
- I love you because you think I’m the most beautiful woman in every room (to be fair, though… what’re ya gonna say? “My wife? Yeah… she’s the one with the great personality hovering over the dessert table.”)
- I love you because of the musical influence you’ve had on our kids – both performing and listening – left up to me they’d botch the kazoo and know only The Beatles, a few 90’s grunge songs and Pink!
- I love you because you are so dedicated to your job, the church and numerous community organizations… oh wait… I’m actually bothered by the time you give to those things, but I do love that your time away from me does not involve brothels, bars, and betting.
- I love you because you laugh…a lot.
- I love you because you do so much for and with my dad, although I do worry that, in the case of divorce, he’d keep you and get rid of me.
- I love you because you always go along with my cockamamie ideas… now if you’d just realize they are good ideas from the beginning – we could save a lot of time.
- I love you because you have closed our closet door every night since I read that closing doors in the bedroom is feng shui (it’s even more impressive because I feel like you’re still waiting for me to tell you what the hell ‘feng shui’ means…).
- I love you because you didn’t leave me during pharmacy school… my competitive nature would’ve driven away a lesser man.
- I love you because I dream up our remodels and you bring them to fruition (generally many, many, many months after my estimated finish date…).
- I love you because you genuinely like all my friends; they like you, too (except when I don’t like you… they are my friends, after all).
- I love you because you can literally do just about anything (except make a decision about dinner, apparently that’s above your pay grade).
- I love you because every year you look at the Christmas tree I’ve chosen, shake your head in disbelief then set about cutting it down all the while muttering about it “not even fitting in our house”. Then you spend the next 4 or 5 hours making it fit in our house.
- I love you because more often than not you are the one who cleans out the refrigerator – ‘course you’re the one who makes us save 7 peas but still… it’s nice that you take care of it.
- I love you because you wear your life vest from launch to land when we kayak.
- I love you because you thank me for being ‘the air traffic controller’ of our family, uhm… in case you hadn’t noticed, I have control issues – no need to thank me, just get the hell outta my way.
- I love you because you understand the importance of proper towel folding and storage (in half, in half, again, then trifold, placed with the nice edges facing out).
- I love you because you are an amazing father, and our children adore you.
- I love you because you went to be with your dad in his last moments; and I know with everything in me, he knew you were there…
- I love you because the last 25 years have been so much more than I ever dreamed and wildly more than I deserve and all of it… is because of you.
People tell me I’m lucky to have a husband who is so good to me. To that I say: I wouldn’t have settled for anything less. What I am lucky to have is such a good man who understands me, accepts me, supports me, and also happens to be easy on the eyes…
A quarter of a century later and you are still the person I most want to hang out with and the absolute love of my life; now if you would kindly refrain from wearing 3 different shades of blue at the same time, we could live on in perfection…