I voted!

I am a civic duty neophyte. This is embarrassing on so many levels, not the least of which being the fact I’ve been of voting age for 7 presidential elections (I did take part in the last 2 presidential elections and plan to participate in all future elections… still not all that impressive… I get it). On top of it all my first trip through the higher education circuit ended with a minor in Poli Sci. Apparently I’m intrigued enough to buy a textbook and sleep through class, not enough so to warrant action on my part. Here’s the real kicker: when Dan and I started “hanging out” (we weren’t yet a thing but you can bet your sweet ass I was shaving my legs before every outing) I was in the process of applying to grad schools in search of a library sciences degree – I wanted to do research for senators and congressmen on Capitol Hill. And yet I’m completely clueless about the voting process. Clearly it’s Dan’s fault… I mean, did you read the part about me wanting to be in the thick of things until HE showed up?

Anyway, the whole mess scares the shit out of me. I can’t even explain it… I’m not a very confident person by nature (this statement always surprises people…) and it seems to me – as with any personal interest situation – the people involved in the election process are very confident and VERY vocal. I guess I’m intimidated – I just don’t have the time(?), the wherewithal(?), the desire… to bone up on all the topics and candidates – I am the voting equivalent of the person who picks a favorite sports team based on uniform colors. My problem is – some candidate will be all, “I’m going to make independent pharmacy my priority” and I’m like, “fuck yeah! Let’s go, let’s vote today!” then that candidate says some shit like, “it’s not proven that sex with children is bad for them,” (that wasn’t an actual statement by any candidate but I did see an article about this recently – I didn’t *couldn’t* read it so I have no information about the topic… the headline was enough). I’m just dumfounded… how do you pick? How the hell do you pick a candidate and do so with unfaltering conviction?

Ya know… my parents were responsible voters… this usually trickles down to the kids; I got the temper, the emotional eating – yet the voting passed right by me. But I’m trying to fix the situation – as I stated, I’ve stepped up my game recently, as evidenced by my trip to the polls this evening.

It really started this morning with my perusing of an article outlining the Pennsylvania delegate process. I looked, took note of those whom were in line with my preferences and actually took a screen shot of the names so I could memorize them – the article insinuated that some polling stations don’t provide voters with the delegate information (ha! hold that thought). I don’t mind saying – I was every politician’s enlightened dream (sure, I only put 17 minutes into it – but it was a solid 17 minutes). As I sat there this morning taking in all of this information about delegates and how that process works, something deep in the recesses of my brain started clicking. I don’t know how many of you actually read my very first blog (I’m pretty sure Dan didn’t, so don’t feel bad) but in that introductory post I promised you’d never know my political views – well… I lied, sorta. I have to divulge my party affiliation just so you can better understand how my primary day went down. This morning something was telling me ‘this information is useless to you,’ so – after some pretty extensive googling – I confirmed my suspicion… delegates didn’t matter to me —- the registered independent. What can I say? I have commitment issues – my 19-year marriage notwithstanding – I don’t want to commit to any party, I WILL NOT BE PIGEONHOLED!!!

I happen to live in 1 of the 11 states that hold closed primaries (don’t be impressed, I just looked that up in Wikipedia).

Thinking I was gonna help seat the next session of Congress, I got out of work, headed right to the polls and waited in line – so excited… I was gonna facebook the hell outta my ‘I voted’ sticker! The (very intimidating) people checking id’s and names and getting signatures and such shouted, “NEXT!” and since I know 3/5 of those people pretty well, I shouted back, “and the favorite” and walked up to get checked in. This is where my voting experience tanked. I held in my hand, the cards and pamphlets given to me by the people outside as I walked in – this is apparently frowned upon; I was instructed to get rid of this stuff before entering the voting arena. My question is – why the fuck are they handing me shit that’s gonna get me in trouble? I took a quick look see at all the names on these handouts – so I’d know who to vote against, bitches stressed me out. This is how stupid I am – I thought the local/state shit on the ballot was the real deal, not primaries (the downside is – I reproduced, the upside is – I stopped at 3). Then there was some all-in-good-fun berating of me for skipping the last election season and then… a poller noticed I was an indy. It was like somebody said, “we brought beer” and then tossed 2 bottles of O’Doul’s on the table… suddenly nobody was impressed with me. I was drearily handed the paper ballot for those of us excluded from the fun voting – yep… I got to weigh in on 2 (state) constitutional amendments. Son of a bitch – this was NOT part of the studying I did this morning. Those other party-affiliated people got to go to the computers and sit down – I had a standing booth with a pen; the damn pen didn’t even have a cap…

I got to vote on whether retirement age for judges should be raised from 70 to 75 and whether or not to abolish the Philadelphia traffic court.

 

what

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the fuck

 

…pretty sure in the next 6 months or so I’m gonna be sent to the big house by an 82-year-old judge for a traffic violation in Philly. I don’t even know what the argument is for either issue. I could, at least, rationalize my vote on the first issue – convoluted reasoning though it was; but the traffic court thing??? what….. I….. it….. I can’t even speak intelligently on how stupid I am regarding this issue.

But I voted – I colored those 2 boxes like my life depended on it… I bet they ain’t never seen boxes filled in so good! I shot my ballot through the scantron thingy, thanked the poll workers (who really are fabulous people) and walked out feeling pretty good about my………… nah, in all honesty? I walked out thinking – well shit, had I known I’d probably be home drinking a beer, skipping out on this voting season, too…