As Dan and I folded ourselves into my car last night, I looked into the back and pleaded, “Please get that friggin mat outta here. It’s been rolling around for a week driving me absolutely insane.”
Dan looked back and said, “Ah crap I forgot about it. It’s 25 feet of rubber mat, shit’s heavy. I’m gonna need help that’s why I didn’t get it sooner, but I did forget about it… sorry, my bad.”
We started on our way and with the 1st slight deviation from straight the mat rolled, hit the ice scrapper and made that god awful noise I’ve come to loathe. Dan, already having forgotten our chat 37 seconds behind us, looked in the rearview mirror wondering what was happening. He grinned and gave me the ok-I-can-see-how-that-might-be-irritating grin and went about the business of driving.
A minute or so later I heard ‘msssttsa‘.
I glanced around but didn’t see anything.
Seconds later…. ‘msssttsa‘
me looking
‘msssttsa‘
visually searching all around
‘msssttsa‘
it was coming from the driver’s area
‘mssssttsa‘
“What.the.hell IS THAT????”
Dan looked over to see me squinting at him, craning my neck to see what was going on in his mouth; “it’th a mint. I’m thucking on a mint.”
“Well… here’s hoping the line is long at the funeral home and you have a few more of those sonsdabitches to suck on… that oughta push me right over the edge.”
I sat back, wondering how I’d gotten this far without losing my ever-loving mind.
‘msssttsa‘
“Whats say you just go ahead and chew that little fucker, huh?”
Dan was about to say something when the mat rolled and made that blood curdling noise; he grinned and ‘msssttsa‘…
I closed my eyes and sucked enough air through my nose to calm a TRex…
[laughing his arse off]: “it’th no wonder you walk around pithed all the time….”